Another RichAndMark goodie

Rejected by Guido Fawkes for being too flattering towards David Cameron.

Which should add another level to the various Guido conspiracy theories out there.

I've heard he keeps penguins in his attic.

It Did Exactly What It Said On The Tin

Guido Fawkes is having a pop at Gordon Brown for being an unelected Prime Minister, condemning another country for a lack of democracy.

Please.

All through the last election, the Conservative Party made it very clear that it was "Vote Blair, Get Brown" until they realised that it was having a negative effect. People actually quite liked the idea. And then they went and voted for it.

Oh they may not like it now. Hell, I don't particularly like it now. But I voted for it.

P.S. The parcel arrived today. They're still bastards.

Ho Ho Ho

At RichAndMark.com we create rather fun political cartoons for Guido Fawkes every Monday.

And despite being Christmas Eve, today is no exception.

Here's one that slipped through the craic.

Parcelfarce Part 3 - bastards!

Apparently there was an attempted delivery today. At 12.30pm. Except of course there wasn't and they didn't leave a card.

Bastards!

Parcelfarce Part 2 - crossed fingers

Parcel tracks
Date	Time	Location	Tracking Event
24-12-2007	01:23	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
24-12-2007	01:22	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
20-12-2007	23:23	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
19-12-2007	23:50	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
19-12-2007	23:49	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
18-12-2007	07:06	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
18-12-2007	05:13	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
17-12-2007	22:13	National Hub	Sorted in hub
17-12-2007	17:29	Welwyn Garden City Depot	On route to hub
17-12-2007	15:49	Welwyn Garden City Depot	Collected from customer

Is The Blair Catholic?

So how long before he goes for Pope? That'll ensure that millions of people will believe he's infallible.

Even when it comes to weapons of mass destruction.

Feel that transubstantiation Tony! Feel it!!!

Parcel Farce

So, we ordered a mattress for the house. Elderly relatives coming for Christmas, it was essential. Sent Parcelforce 24 on Monday, guaranteed to arrive on Tuesday. Except it didn't. Or on Wednesday. Or on Thursday. Or on Friday.

Every day I would call Parcelforce to be given apologies, that it had been sent out on the van but not delivered, to be told that it would definitely turn up the next day, and that I could make a claim because of the guarantee, and a manager would call me back.

No one called me back. I have spent over three hours on the phone to Parcelforce. And I am still no nearer.

The last call I was finally put through to the relevant depot. Where I was told it would definitely arrive on Saturday. Or Sunday. Oh, and that I can't get the postage back (which I'd paid for) as the retailer would have to be the one to make a claim. Who already has my money and is not interested in making a claim - they say it's lots of paperwork, and they always get lost.

Brilliant. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the floor.

The Root Of The Problem

Talking to an Express hack the other day, being mocked for their reliance on creating from thin air Princess Diana and Madeline McCann front page stories, week after week, day after day. What possible justification could there be for such shameless pandering.

The answer?

"Dead blondes sell papers."

I will buy a copy on Monday. Who'll win? Maddy or Di?

Clown Shoes

If, as Guido Fawkes points out, the current Labour administration are behaving like a bunch of clowns, does that explain some of their dodgy donor dealings? After all, it makes a lot more sense to "fill your boots" if your boots are as long as these ones...

Just How Well Hung Is Gordon Brown?

Holy Moly 5/10/2007

A mole used to work at the Department for Work and Pensions and had the pleasure of occasionally running into the then Chancellor, Gordon Brown, at the Treasury gym.

He reports that our current Prime Minister is packing some serious fiscal policies between his legs, which would be more at home on a racehorse than a dour Presbyterian.

Seriously, it's no wonder his wife always looks knackered, the mole assures us. Gordon is holding a majority of a tube of Pringles with a bull's heart on top, and if there was a sudden swing to the right it'd take half of Whitehall with it.

Popbitch 22/11/2007

A fellow gym-goer tells us that Gordon Brown is "incredibly pale and doughy" and that he's "not at all keen on flashing" his penis in the changing rooms. However he's seen it briefly and it was "unmemorable".

-------

Left Luggage asks, is it possible recent events have caused Gordon's majority to shrink?

And another bomb drops...

To have one Prime Minister subject to a police investigation is unfortunate. To have two, looks like carelessness. More dodgy donor dealings break into the news cycle. More party officials tied up in the web of knowledge. More blame, more pointing fingers, more spon.

Like I said, expect a few more of these over the next few weeks as Blairites in the know take revenge on the party which decided they were no longer the Future Of Britain that they once were - and watch as everyone starts saying "Bring back Blair".

It's Worse Than Iain Says...

Iain Dale writes that Labour is spinning the sleaze stories from last weekend as being a Tory "put up job" when Iain states it was nothing more that journalist research.

It's worse than that.

Last week's stories were as a direct result of Blairite spin, in retaliation for Brown's people doing the same to Blair over cash-for-peerages.

Never underestimate the power of the left to stab ourselves firmly in the back. We don't need Tories or hacks to do it for us...

Piss up. Brewery. RE: Inability to organise

Talked to a BBC contact yesterday.

Which sounds far more important than just meeting a mate in a pub. But anyway. That's how political bloggers write, apparently.

They told me that Blairite factions in the Labour Party are briefing against Gordon Brown's government in direct retaliation for Brownites doing the same to Blair during the cash-for-peerages debacle. And there are plenty more bombs to drop.

Nevertheless, James Gordon Brown is showing himself up as the worst of political leaders. Even Ming could handle himself better on the dispatch box. It's like Labour have picked the fat kid to go in goal and then only just realised what a terrible player he is. Seriously, what happened here? For all the criticism heaped upon him, his ten years as Chancellor were relatively successful. Saved in the good years, spent our way out of recession, everything was coasting along nicely, with one or two bumps.

But now? The last month or so have seen Labour drop over twenty points in the polls as Brown and his clan have shown an enormous incompetence in the face of justified criticism. This is worse that Major at the height of Back to Basics. Is there any way he can swing this around in two years? Does anybody want him to?

My BBC friend did point out that it was nice to see Vince Clegg openly attacking a political leader, as opposed to surreptitiously attacking his own for six months or more. Bless.

Also: did you know that the BBC are running Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe episodes as educational aides for employees? Especially the ones about dodgy phone voting...