Left Luggage

Boris Johnson wants to ban Playstation and Nintendo

2008-03-28T07:12:00.000-07:00

Boris Johnson is a man of many gifts. Funny, witty, charming, good natured and kind.

But he's also a moron.

Did you know he wants to ban the Playstation, the Nintendo Wii, the XBox and more?

That's just the way to get the youth vote.

Fuck Boris.

What exactly did New Idea print about Prince Harry?

2008-02-29T09:07:00.000-08:00

EDIT: Please credit and/or link to Left Luggage if you use this material.

In a panic, New Idea have pulled their previous Prince Harry coverage online and replaced it with his biography.

Thankfully Google's cache has full details. For now.

Prince Harry Goes to War in Afghanistan

Jan 07 04:33pm

Prince Harry has joined his regiment on a covert mission to Afghanistan and his unit has already seen front line action.

Not seen in public since the middle of December, New Idea can exclusively reveal that despite opposition from senior members of the British government and the royal family itself, Harry now joins his uncle Prince Andrew as a royal who has been to war.

'At first there was a lot of resistance' said a friend 'but Harry threatened to resign his commission and serve as a private if he was kept from the battlefield - and that proved to be the final straw'.

Full details on this breaking story in this week's New Idea.

Do you think that Prince Harry should be allowed to go to war?

7 Comments

1. ccking@xtra.co.nz - Jan 07 01:50pm

I think so no way

2. rosebaydoublebaymanly - Jan 07 02:41pm

yes, i think it is good. look the queen's own father who was second in line to throne served in the first world war, and Prince Andrew served in the Falklands war.

3. kaztashgenni - Jan 07 02:44pm

Yes. Why should he not defend the country he loves. His Mum would be very worried but also very proud!

4. kaztashgenni - Jan 07 02:45pm

Yes. Why should he not defend the country he loves. His Mum would be very worried but also very proud!

5. elle_cee32000 - Jan 07 02:50pm

he shouldnt be in the army if he is just playing soldiers!

6. bunnyrosenator - Jan 07 03:18pm

Regardless of whether Prince Harry has gone, it is afterall his decision, don't you think you as the media are being extremely irresponsible publishing that they are on a covert mission and indicating where, putting everyone's lives at risk - whatever happened to "loose lips sink ships".

7. linnmarilyn - Jan 07 03:19pm

If the Prince's presence puts the other men's lives in any danger by him being there, then NO, he should not go. Is it just to say that he went? What a man! I think it is all chest beating and quasi herotics.

8. gbh123 - Jan 07 05:03pm

Prince Harry is trying to prove himself in the eyes of the citizens of the UK. He was trained at their expense and wants to do the job he was trained for...not just be another useless waste of their money.

9. hwe24715 - Jan 07 05:11pm

Nothing like a story to put his life at increased risk - and that of those around him. Goodness knows we would go if it was a war like WW1 or WW2.
You need to be a tad more discrete in your reporting

10. gkajwhite - Jan 07 06:03pm

I support every man or woman who is prepared to support and protect their country. If you are a soldier you know the risks involved and we should support them. Loss of life is heart breaking to a family, but know matter how we lose someone it is heartbreaking if they have not had their score years.

The second page of comments read:

11. annamargaret1948 - Jan 07 06:48pm

No, I don't think he should go to war if this represents a danger, either to himselg or to the members of his regiment. What is the point of 24 hour protection of the Royals, to then send them to war zones?

12. macgilla - Jan 07 10:09pm

Nothing like broadcasting his decision to go but I feel he is just wanting to big note himself. Maybe this will make him more responsible but threatening to resign his commission, who cares, as it's just another sign of a big ego

13. hugabye57 - Jan 08 11:16am

Even though Harry is a prince, he is still a human being just like anyone else who had to go to war. I think it a good idea as it would give them a sense of doing something important in life

14. sjh27au - Jan 08 11:29am

The young man has been through a lot in his few years even with so many privileges, that sometimes drag him down. I congratulate him on his determination to be with his company and to prove he is worth no more and no less than the men in his company. Good luck young man to you and your company.

15. maxwell.mouse - Jan 08 06:23pm

He choose to train as a soldier - he has the right to decide to go with his men - where he has been deployed to & when should not have been reported at this stage

16. jkearns_1 - Jan 10 12:57pm

It seems that a 'hot' news story is more important than the secrecy needed to protect lives. Shame on you!

17. jen_ny_67 - Jan 10 04:03pm

yes he needs a life

On January 15th, the title was changed to:

Prince Harry: War Lord

Jan 15 12:07pm

For your next trick, get a copy of that early January copy of 'New Idea'...

Battle Of The Banners

2008-02-27T03:14:00.000-08:00

Apparently a bunch of anti-Heathrow Terminal 5 protestors have climbed onto the roof of the Houses Of Parliament to unfurl banners.

Nice one.

But did it have to be today?

I only say, because there's a mass lobby in a couple of hours to persuade MPs to back a Euro Referendum.

And what with the Iraq tents still in residence...

Well, it's going to be a little on the crowded side isn't it? Lost of mixed messages.

"Okay, we'll abandon plans to extend the Euro Referendum, we'll build a new terminal in Iraq and we'll bring our soldiers back from Heathrow..."

MI6 Slackers

2008-02-26T06:37:00.000-08:00

So, per the Diana trial, MI6 is not in the business of going around the world bumping off people.

In that case, what are we paying them for exactly?

I think there needs to be a audit over millions of pounds per dead johnny foreigner. And if it doesn't add up, then heads will roll. Preferably when detached from the body in a tunnel in Paris.

Spending Time

2008-02-04T08:01:00.000-08:00

Thanks to RichAndMark.com for a very Private Eye-ish commentary on the current financial expense scandal doing the rounds of all political parties.

It's like the Sopranos, it really is.

I wonder who will be spending time at Her Majesty's Pleasure?

The greatest left wing blogger we never had

2008-01-25T03:56:00.000-08:00

Guido would make a great left-wing activist. Resilient, unflappable, hide like a rhino and a charge to match, he'd be perfect for the infighting we lefties seem to generate by our very nature. He's also witty, rude and unpredictable. He's great. And he runs RichAndMark cartoons.

Shame then, on claiming Peter Hain's scalp, he seems to have sent his victory cheer through the email system of the Conservative Party.

Can you picture Paul Staines, sitting in Tory HQ at a desktop, with everyone around him walking past oblivious to his presence? No, neither can I.

All those anti-Cameron posts must just be cover then.

I wonder if he'll ever stand for London mayor?

Clearing Your Name

2008-01-24T05:29:00.000-08:00

So. Peter Hain. Resigned in order to clear your name?

Is it me, or was the last politician who did something like that Jonathan Aitken?

Bush Starts Making Cuts

2008-01-23T14:05:00.000-08:00

Today, Guido painted a stark picture of George Bush getting down to the essentials of the US economy, while Gordon Brown, in a frippish mood, went on Blue Peter to say nice things to a TV presenter.

Thankfully The Daily Show was on hand to show George Bush,just after he made his big announcements, demonstrating for the cameras how to use a standing lawnmower.

Snap?

Rock The Vote

2008-01-22T02:21:00.000-08:00

The headlines scream murder. Billions upon billions being used by the British Government to prop up a failing bank, costing the taxpayers thousands each.

Except.

First, when one bank falls, it takes others with it. Confidence falls, the economy tumbles and in the current fragile state, it could bring down the country. Spending the money now is like building flood defences. Costs a bomb but less than the cost of not.

Second, it's not wasted money. The government are buying the bank. They can sell the bank. Some money may be lost in the interim, but it's a small percentage of that being spent, the benefits outweigh any such difference. Hell, the government may even make a profit, you never know.

Third. The accusation that this is nationalism by the back door. Why, yes it is. Just like the Labour heartland actually want. Bringing the government to make left-leaning policy even if not out of left-leaning ideology. Might actually get votes from the apathetic base just in time for a General Election.

Fourth. It might just work.

Hain The Pain

2008-01-12T07:29:00.000-08:00

"Hain The Pain."

That's how he's known in South Africa. To be fair, that's how he's known by the marginalised white population, from the days when Peter Hain was a real fly in the ointment of the government's successful oppression of the majority of the population. He did things like organise actions within and without of the country, kick up a lot of press interest and generally cause a lot of bother, for one so white. And while all good-thinking white South African has rejected the bad old days (at least externally), the nickname has stuck. Hain The Pain. Probably one he should cherish, given the context.

But, with the current accusations of corruption and/or incompetence, maybe it's a nickname that Gordon Brown could be using right now.

Loughton Makes A Stand

2008-01-11T06:14:00.001-08:00

On Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack, 20 year old annoying politico John Loughton got legless, and asked the in house dancer, Latoya, out on a date.

Said he'd take her to the cinema to see a funny film, go for pizza and have some chocolate soup and cocktails.

Smooth. Looks like he's following in Alan Clark's footsteps there.

The Early Day Motion Of The Beast

2008-01-11T04:47:00.000-08:00

Early Day Motions are a good way for an MP to placate a constituency pressure group, get something off their chest, or (allegedly) receive a bung for speaking in Parliament on a topic - basically be seen doing something to change the law, without any danger of it actually becoming law.

It's the equivalent of one of those online petition things - various MPs can sign it, most don't, it usually gets ignored. Occasionally one may get elevated to a level where it actually matters - at which point pigs start doing the loop the loop over the Thames.

Anyway.

John Austin, Labour MP for Erith and Thamesmead has an Early Day Motion calling for the Disestablishment Of The Church Of England.

It's EDM Number 666.

Someone has a sense of humour.

Great Orator = A Complete And Utter Shit

2008-01-08T04:53:00.000-08:00

It's what they say about Enoch Powell, when anyone brings up his dodgy race politics, as if that somehow defends what he says. I keep hearing it about George Galloway as well. Is it a modern day euphemism for someone who has really dodgy politics but is popular and you don't want to join the easy and simple bandwagon who condemn them out of hand?

Going back to Enoch, I've heard countless times that his "rivers of blood" speech was literary exaggeration, using a classical quote to make a point and that, in fact, Enoch was just speaking about the fears of the modern man and pointing out issues that would prove more and more relevant after his time.

No he wasn't. I've read his original speech. His biggest affront is on behalf of a little old white landlady living in fear of a law which says she cannot refuse a tenant over the colour of his skin.

And Galloway has managed to ally himself with the kind of people who support the most hideous bigotry, and given them access to mainstream politics.

Save us from great orators, please.

John Loughton - Celebrity Big Brother Hijack Twunt

2008-01-03T06:24:00.000-08:00

Big Brother Celebrity: Hijack features young "talented" people being bossed around by celebrities. By actually not forcing said celebrities to live with each other for weeks, they've actually got a decent list for the first time since the original (which only lasted a week and was for charity and no one's dignity had been destroyed then).

One of the so-called talented young chaps is this fellow. John Loughton, Chariman of the Scottish Youth Parliament. Yes, that is actually a job, and he got it when he was a teenager. The Channel 4 website says that "although he is only 20, he manages a team of staff, most of whom are in their 30s and 40s."

Oh they must love him.

And he's fat, ginger and Scottish. Clearly the nation will love his precocious, I-want-to-rule-you-all ways. Another career politician, but this time we get to see him at his sprawling bawling wailing sixth-form-politics stage. I don't even care what his leaning is, he's heading for a fall.

Apparently he won a competition to name a street in Edinburgh. He called it 'Old Distillery Close.' Yes, that's the way to dispel any stereotypes about the Scottish. Or should I say 'Scotch'.

In Defence Of Ken

2008-01-02T00:03:00.001-08:00

Ken Livingstone. the Londoner's favourite whipping boy. Charged with raising taxes, spending without limits, increasing bureaucracy, associating with dodgy individuals and causes and now linked with corruption.

Yesterday I bought my annual travelcard on my Oyster. And reflected that it was Ken who changed the travelcard rules so that any bus trip in the London area was covered by any travelcard. So, stuck out in Zone 4 as I am, away from any train or tube, I would have previously paid over £1300.

But since I only use the train and tube in Zones 1 and 2 in my daily commute, I paid £930 instead. Ken Livingstone has saved me £400 a year. So he gets my vote. How terribly Conservative of me.

Another RichAndMark goodie

2007-12-31T06:59:00.000-08:00

Rejected by Guido Fawkes for being too flattering towards David Cameron.

Which should add another level to the various Guido conspiracy theories out there.

I've heard he keeps penguins in his attic.

It Did Exactly What It Said On The Tin

2007-12-28T02:23:00.000-08:00

Guido Fawkes is having a pop at Gordon Brown for being an unelected Prime Minister, condemning another country for a lack of democracy.

Please.

All through the last election, the Conservative Party made it very clear that it was "Vote Blair, Get Brown" until they realised that it was having a negative effect. People actually quite liked the idea. And then they went and voted for it.

Oh they may not like it now. Hell, I don't particularly like it now. But I voted for it.

P.S. The parcel arrived today. They're still bastards.

Ho Ho Ho

2007-12-24T07:59:00.001-08:00

At RichAndMark.com we create rather fun political cartoons for Guido Fawkes every Monday.

And despite being Christmas Eve, today is no exception.

Here's one that slipped through the craic.

Parcelfarce Part 3 - bastards!

2007-12-24T07:58:00.001-08:00

Apparently there was an attempted delivery today. At 12.30pm. Except of course there wasn't and they didn't leave a card.

Bastards!

Parcelfarce Part 2 - crossed fingers

2007-12-24T01:42:00.001-08:00

Parcel tracks

Date	Time	Location	Tracking Event

24-12-2007	01:23	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
24-12-2007	01:22	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
20-12-2007	23:23	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
19-12-2007	23:50	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
19-12-2007	23:49	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
18-12-2007	07:06	Mitcham Depot	Out for delivery
18-12-2007	05:13	Mitcham Depot	Arrived at delivery depot
17-12-2007	22:13	National Hub	Sorted in hub
17-12-2007	17:29	Welwyn Garden City Depot	On route to hub
17-12-2007	15:49	Welwyn Garden City Depot	Collected from customer

Is The Blair Catholic?

2007-12-23T09:18:00.000-08:00

So how long before he goes for Pope? That'll ensure that millions of people will believe he's infallible.

Even when it comes to weapons of mass destruction.

Feel that transubstantiation Tony! Feel it!!!

Parcel Farce

2007-12-21T10:34:00.000-08:00

So, we ordered a mattress for the house. Elderly relatives coming for Christmas, it was essential. Sent Parcelforce 24 on Monday, guaranteed to arrive on Tuesday. Except it didn't. Or on Wednesday. Or on Thursday. Or on Friday.

Every day I would call Parcelforce to be given apologies, that it had been sent out on the van but not delivered, to be told that it would definitely turn up the next day, and that I could make a claim because of the guarantee, and a manager would call me back.

No one called me back. I have spent over three hours on the phone to Parcelforce. And I am still no nearer.

The last call I was finally put through to the relevant depot. Where I was told it would definitely arrive on Saturday. Or Sunday. Oh, and that I can't get the postage back (which I'd paid for) as the retailer would have to be the one to make a claim. Who already has my money and is not interested in making a claim - they say it's lots of paperwork, and they always get lost.

Brilliant. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the floor.

The Root Of The Problem

2007-12-16T09:15:00.000-08:00

Talking to an Express hack the other day, being mocked for their reliance on creating from thin air Princess Diana and Madeline McCann front page stories, week after week, day after day. What possible justification could there be for such shameless pandering.

The answer?

"Dead blondes sell papers."

I will buy a copy on Monday. Who'll win? Maddy or Di?

Clown Shoes

2007-12-09T09:32:00.001-08:00

If, as Guido Fawkes points out, the current Labour administration are behaving like a bunch of clowns, does that explain some of their dodgy donor dealings? After all, it makes a lot more sense to "fill your boots" if your boots are as long as these ones...

Just How Well Hung Is Gordon Brown?

2007-12-07T01:53:00.000-08:00

Holy Moly 5/10/2007

A mole used to work at the Department for Work and Pensions and had the pleasure of occasionally running into the then Chancellor, Gordon Brown, at the Treasury gym.

He reports that our current Prime Minister is packing some serious fiscal policies between his legs, which would be more at home on a racehorse than a dour Presbyterian.

Seriously, it's no wonder his wife always looks knackered, the mole assures us. Gordon is holding a majority of a tube of Pringles with a bull's heart on top, and if there was a sudden swing to the right it'd take half of Whitehall with it.

Popbitch 22/11/2007

A fellow gym-goer tells us that Gordon Brown is "incredibly pale and doughy" and that he's "not at all keen on flashing" his penis in the changing rooms. However he's seen it briefly and it was "unmemorable".

-------

Left Luggage asks, is it possible recent events have caused Gordon's majority to shrink?

And another bomb drops...

2007-12-02T04:49:00.001-08:00

To have one Prime Minister subject to a police investigation is unfortunate. To have two, looks like carelessness. More dodgy donor dealings break into the news cycle. More party officials tied up in the web of knowledge. More blame, more pointing fingers, more spon.

Like I said, expect a few more of these over the next few weeks as Blairites in the know take revenge on the party which decided they were no longer the Future Of Britain that they once were - and watch as everyone starts saying "Bring back Blair".

It's Worse Than Iain Says...

2007-12-01T07:22:00.000-08:00

Iain Dale writes that Labour is spinning the sleaze stories from last weekend as being a Tory "put up job" when Iain states it was nothing more that journalist research.

It's worse than that.

Last week's stories were as a direct result of Blairite spin, in retaliation for Brown's people doing the same to Blair over cash-for-peerages.

Never underestimate the power of the left to stab ourselves firmly in the back. We don't need Tories or hacks to do it for us...

Piss up. Brewery. RE: Inability to organise

2007-11-30T07:51:00.000-08:00

Talked to a BBC contact yesterday.

Which sounds far more important than just meeting a mate in a pub. But anyway. That's how political bloggers write, apparently.

They told me that Blairite factions in the Labour Party are briefing against Gordon Brown's government in direct retaliation for Brownites doing the same to Blair during the cash-for-peerages debacle. And there are plenty more bombs to drop.

Nevertheless, James Gordon Brown is showing himself up as the worst of political leaders. Even Ming could handle himself better on the dispatch box. It's like Labour have picked the fat kid to go in goal and then only just realised what a terrible player he is. Seriously, what happened here? For all the criticism heaped upon him, his ten years as Chancellor were relatively successful. Saved in the good years, spent our way out of recession, everything was coasting along nicely, with one or two bumps.

But now? The last month or so have seen Labour drop over twenty points in the polls as Brown and his clan have shown an enormous incompetence in the face of justified criticism. This is worse that Major at the height of Back to Basics. Is there any way he can swing this around in two years? Does anybody want him to?

My BBC friend did point out that it was nice to see Vince Clegg openly attacking a political leader, as opposed to surreptitiously attacking his own for six months or more. Bless.

Also: did you know that the BBC are running Charlie Brooker's Screen Wipe episodes as educational aides for employees? Especially the ones about dodgy phone voting...